Her AFSANA

"For me hearing my baba say “Mera bahadur baccha” was one of the highlights of our relationship.

As a child, having my loved ones around was all that really mattered to me. I didn’t ponder about the materialistic things. To be a child is a warm and nurturing feeling. When I was 7, my ‘one and only’, my baba passed away, I felt like my world crumbled, My childhood with him was like a reservoir of love and happiness. Irrespective of everything around, he gave me love as I’d never known or felt. 

A year before that I had lost my younger sister Raheen and that just increased the love and attachment I shared with baba. He always said, “My daughters are my everything” and he spent all his time just showing it to us through his actions.

Two days before his death he told me that he’s coming home and I should wait for him. The jolly little child that I was, I was beaming with excitement. All I would do the whole day was keep singing “Mere baba aagaye, mere baba aagaye!” But the next I saw him, he had passed away and all that was left with me was a truckload of memories and never-ending grief. Seeing my father’s dead body broke me. All I could think about was eating dinner with him and going to school with him. 

I was shattered and as a child, I did everything  I could to inflict hurt upon myself. But then I saw my mother one night, clutching on to baba’s photo and crying her heart out. Every part of me felt her emotions at that moment, I could feel what she was feeling. As a wife, it was never easy for her to live her life without baba. That was the moment I realised that I  have a beautiful and happy life ahead because my mom would be there to hold my hand. The next day I told her that I’ll live my life for her. Hearing this sentence from me stunned my mom. As an 8-year-old, I had matured beyond my years..

From that day forward, I tried being stronger mentally and realised my brother and I had to be our mother’s backbone. 

My Mom was a fierce woman, she was strong and resilient. She was going through a very rough patch in life but was always our strength. She gave us the best food even though she just had ₹2000 with her. She wore a smile as a facade so her children never saw her suffer. She tried to be both the parents.

7 years after abba’s death, we were finally living as a happy family, that is until my Nanu passed away. It changed the dynamics of my relationship with mom. We were connected stronger than ever because of the similar emptiness, grief, and love we felt for our fathers. 

Our family was happy, the house was chirping with friendly banter and palak paneer parties where I gobbled up all the paneer! 

But 6 months after Nanu’s death, my mom fell sick. We had to hospitalise her and found out she had a brain tumor. I felt as though life was playing a cruel joke with our family. I still remember my last interaction with mom, she kissed me all over my face and promised to never leave us alone. After a week, I lost my mom and it felt as though everything came back. The emptiness and the heartbreak that I experienced during baba, was back. Either people laughed at our misfortunes or looked at us with sympathy. By then I was so fragile that I tried ending my life thrice. But I had promised my dad that I’ll live a prosperous life. I reassured myself, “You’ll do it Namira, don’t worry, God is with you”.

On our Teacher’s Day program in 10th grade, I was rewarded with 'Best Teacher' award and that boosted me. My mentor teacher, Miss Bharti took me aside and told me how proud she was of how strong I am and how she wished her daughter grew up and imbibed the qualities I possess. Moments like this kept me going. I’m very thankful for people that have been my rock in life. My best friend has been there for me through thick and thin. My Nani was like my second mother, she looked after me with the utmost care, love and affection. My brother has been such a strength for me. I cherish our bond and genuinely hope that it stays like this forever. He’s probably one of the biggest reasons for the person I turned out to be and I’ll always be thankful for such support and protection.

The life lessons my baba gave me as a child will always be special to me. “Neeyat saaf rakhna beta rab raasta bana denge.” I strongly believe that God will make ways for me. Now I’m 19-year-old studying psychology, trying to live peacefully and happily, fulfilling her dreams and making her parents proud! My mom made me realise how strong I am and how strong I can be. She’s taught me how to deal with pain, at times, without even saying a word. They loved humanity and always spread happiness so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll live on to be a person who makes my parents and myself proud, they loved me and I know they always will."

~ Anonymous