Self Strength: A Personal Memoir

Great things are achieved primarily because someone was motivated to take the first step and had the courage to go beyond their comfort zone to pursue something they truly believed in. But this is not some gift endowed at birth on a few selected individuals; you and I both can gain the confidence to muster up courage in situations we need to speak up in or take up a project beyond our forte. And that would not come unless we develop ourselves, and that’s when self-strength comes into the picture. Self-strength means self- discipline, it means fearlessness, being assertive, and the having the ability to withstand the umpteen lemons that life throws at us on regular occasions. We need it while dealing with difficult people, while taking up new responsibilities and even while performing mundane chores to keep us on the track of growth. There are moments in life when we feel like we have hit rock bottom, the world around us seems to start falling apart and all we can do is sit back and watch it crumble. It’s terrifying, but you’re not alone. Everyone goes through pain, everyone feels scared, we all have our monsters, but that's life. 

Someone once told me "Let it rain on some days, Let yourself shiver on some cold nights, so when it's Spring you'll know why it was all worth going through." Trust me, we all have our moments when our problems feel like the end of the world, and all we want to do is somehow escape them, run away, knowing in our hearts that that's neither an option nor a solution.  

My outlook on life changed when I went through a personal Lockdown 1.0. I know it might sound absurd but, before this pandemic, during my 12^th standard, a grade we take too seriously in India, I suffered from severe back injuries. I was bedridden for 7/8 months.

One day I was at a party enjoying with all my friends, and the next thing I know, I am being given 3 painful injections in the bone. I so wished they had worked! I went through unspeakable pain every single day. Weeks of sleepless nights, numerous packets of painkillers, and daily sessions of physiotherapy had drained me both physically and mentally. There was no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Visiting more than 12 physiotherapists and doctors and still showing no signs of improvement was no joke. The doctors had no solution but a risky operation that my parents were not ready for at all. My friends visited me regularly, but after a while, there was nothing left to talk about, everyone’s life was moving but mine felt static. Food, physio, pooja, injections, my mother gathered all the forces in the world to help me heal. After a point, I was getting numb to the pain, it was just awful. But I remember the doctor advising me to be mentally strong, the physical pain is aggravated by 40% due to the mental pressure. This stuck to me like glue.

I wanted to get back on my feet and I was determined to do so. I voluntarily started to look out for any possible positives in life and let them overpower my pain. Of course, I felt blessed, I was surrounded by people who loved me oh-so-dearly. My parents had kept all their work and careers aside and had decided to focus on nothing but my health. Seeing the two most important people in my life leave everything for me at the drop of a hat just made me realized how blessed I was.

I tried watching motivational movies, tried to voluntarily walk a little, read inspirational books - anything to deviate my mind away from the pain. Eventually, I started becoming more responsive in the physio sessions. From having felt like screaming and running away from the physiotherapy sessions, I started enjoying them.

Having experienced this darkness in my life I’ve come to realize, it all boils down to what you want and how you feel about things. The world around you might turn upside down, but if you feel you can survive and emerge victoriously, trust me, you can, and you will!

We are not taught this in school or even college, but courage is your shield in life’s crazy battle, lead with it. Develop assiduity today and now, you will require it at every step in life. Test your patience levels yourself, rather than the world doing it and bogging you down. And don’t mistake being emotional as weakness, that’s the biggest mistake we can make while developing your inner strength. Even if you’re emotional, don't let your emotions come in the way - realise that they are an intrinsic part of who you are and your experience, and take that in stride rather than suppressing them. Churn all the strength you have deep inside, for when you truly need it, you will for sure find it.

Developing self-strength is not a one-day job. You need to start working now to reap the benefits in the future. So, I urge you to practice positivity every day. Start having a futuristic outlook and define your goals and dreams. Align your daily actions with that dream of yours and you will surely love to wake up every day in life. Practice patience, its high time you heal your wounds and start to look for what life has in store for you. Lemons will be thrown at you every day, learn to grab them, and make a delicious lemonade. All of this is easier said than done, I know, but discipline and desire will surely have your boat floating. There would be bad days as well, life’s not a bed of roses, but you can look at it through rose-tinted sunglasses.

- Anusha K.